Emergency Room Trip

This past weekend, on Sunday, April 25th, Logan was baptized. The weekend was wonderful overall; however, we had a major scare the day before. I was in the shower, and my sister was watching Logan. I heard Logan start to cry hysterically, and so I shouted outside the door to make sure he was ok. I thought he was just getting fussy and needing his mommy. When I got out, Zack was holding Logan, who was still crying, and I immediately sensed something was wrong. Apparently, Kristin had let my 6 year old niece, Emma, hold Logan on the basement sofa, which was fine, except that she wasn't paying attention, and Emma accidentally dropped Logan head first onto the cement tile floor below. I was scared to death for my sweet baby. All kinds of horrible thoughts were going through my mind. We called the pediatrician, who asked if Logan got more upset when we touched the spot he fell on. Although he didn't go ballistic, he did start fussing every time we touched it, and the spot was red. All I could think of was how sensitive baby's heads are, and oh God what if something was really wrong? The doctor advised us to take him immediately to Egleston Children's Hospital, where poor Logan had to have a cat scan. The doctors said they needed to check for swelling and bleeding, which could indicate if there was any brain damage. I started crying, but Zack convinced me to hold it together and be strong for Logan. All I wanted to do my hold my baby, and it was so difficult for me to hand him over to the doctors. They wrapped him up tightly and then put him in the cat scan machine for five minutes, which seemed like an eternity. He had to remain completely still. I put his little "Logan" paci in his mouth, which had been dipped in sugar water, and I softly sang to him the entire time. I was right next to him, and he kept continuous eye contact with me during the whole procedure. As scared as I was, my heart warmed to know that he recognized his mama and knew I was right there beside him. I could tell he knew how much he was loved, and he seemed calm. Zack was also in the room, right next to me. We had to wait for what seemed like an eternity for the test results. Although Zack and I were worried sick, Mr. Logan actually began to laugh and smile and coo, and he wanted to practice "standing" on the table. Such a sweet boy! We must have had an angel looking out for us, because thank God, he was ok and there were no signs of brain damage of any kind. As we were driving home, the full weight of the seriousness hit me. All sorts of things could have happened when he fell directly on his head. He could have broken his neck, or been paralyzed or permanently brain damaged. For two days afterward, Logan was not quite himself. He seemed fussy, when he is normally an exceptionally happy baby unless he is hungry, tired or needs changing. We think he was probably suffering from a headache, but of course, he can't tell us what he is feeling. Even though my baby boy has only been on this earth for a little over four months, I could not ever nor would I ever want to imagine my life without him, and if something had happened to him, I would have done anything, and I mean anything, to make him better. I certainly understand the phrase, "Don't mess with a Mama Bear's cub." I love him so much that the thought of Logan experiencing pain felt like someone was stabbing my heart repeatedly. I would have given anything for it to have happened to me instead, and for him to not feel any pain. I know it was an accident, and unintentional, but it was preventable. Whenever I had let my niece hold Logan, I was always right there next to her, tense, watching every move and ready to grab him at any time. I know I can't dwell on the past, and I feel so blessed and fortunate that he is just fine, but I am still having a difficult time moving on. I keep remembering that fear of my son being hurt, and me not being able to do anything about it beside hold him close and kiss his sweet face over and over again. That horrible experience has made me appreciate and love my son even more, which I didn't think was even possible. He is God's greatest gift to me, and I thank Him every day for watching out and protecting my Logan. We are truly blessed.