Emergency Room Déjà Vu

After Logan's first trip to the emergency room, I commented to Zack that hopefully we would never have to take Logan there again. Zack replied that we probably would have to at some point. But what we both didn't realize is just how soon that trip would be. On Saturday, May 29, 2010, I met my good friend Jessie Myers at Perimeter Mall. Spontaneously, I decided to get my hair cut at the salon there while Jessie watched Logan. The cut was only supposed to take about 30 minutes; however, it ended up taking almost an hour and 30 minutes. Just as I knew he would, Logan started to act hungry after about 20 minutes. The longer the haircut took and the longer I wasn't able to soothe him, the angrier he became. Previously, he had never cried for more than a minute or two before I came to his rescue, and I know he was hurt and frustrated and just plain mad that I was only a few feet away from him yet not holding him and feeding him. He simply couldn't understand it.

I felt terrible and kept asking the girl to please hurry up. At one point, I asked her if I could hold Logan while she worked, but she said that unfortunately it would cause her to mess up my hair. I was getting really anxious, because poor Logan was crying harder and harder. Jessie tried taking him outside, and it did work to calm him down for a few minutes, but then he started wailing again. The next thing I knew Jessie was frantically approaching my chair, saying that she thought something was wrong with Logan. I immediately sprung up from the chair and went to grab him, at which point he started to go limb, and I noticed his eyes start to roll back slightly into his head. It scared me to death. I grabbed him and held him above me, anxiously saying his name louder and louder and asking if he was ok. His head just kind of flopped to the side and downward, and his legs would not support his body. Normally then, his favorite thing ever was to hold onto my hands and "stand" up with his legs completely supporting him. But this time all of his muscles seemed to go limp.

I ran into the smock changing room and tried to nurse him, and although he did latch on, he was not very responsive. The whole time his breathing was very shallow and slow, although steady. I was scared beyond belief. I thought maybe he was having an allergic reaction to all the chemicals in the hair salon, even though Jessie did keep taking him outside. I called his pediatrician, Dr. Verras, who said to take him to the nearest emergency room immediately. I kept telling myself to think positively and to remain calm for Logan's sake, when my natural reaction was to cry and panic, but I knew Logan needed me. We sprinted through the mall to the Nordstrom parking deck, where my car was parked. Thankfully, Jess had done an internship at Scottish Rite Hospital, and so she knew how to get there. Zack met us at the check-in area. I made Jess ride in the back with Logan, because honestly, I was petrified that he would lose consciousness and/or stop breathing. Halfway to the hospital, Jess reported that he seemed almost fine and that he was even smiling at her. I was just praying that he would be alright, and that we would get to the hospital on time.

Once there, we had to wait longer than I felt was necessary. Although the people were nice, Zack and I both feel that Egleston is overall much nicer. They had to perform heart and lung x-rays. I felt so badly for Logan, because I knew he was very uncomfortable. They had to bundle him up tightly, and the nurse made me squeeze his arms together over his head. I kept not squeezing hard enough, because I could tell it was hurting him, and the nurse was, in my opinion, rude and not at all understanding. She kept reprimanding me that I wasn't doing it right, and when I finally blurted out that it was very difficult for me, because I knew I was causing my son pain, she did act a little nicer. Then they had to draw blood. Always before, they pricked Logan in the foot, but for some reason, they had to stick a needle in his arm. We think it was a nurse in training, because she kept messing up and moving the needle all around in his arm, cause Logan to wail with pain until he was red in the face. We were about to demand someone else when she finally figured it out.

While I waited with Logan for the test results, Zack brought Jess back to the mall to get her car. They said the results would only be about 40 minutes, so since we had to pay for hospital parking, Zack decided that by the time he dropped her off and came back, we would be done, so he just waited for me nearby. Unfortunately, the results took two hours, so I had to wait by myself all that time. I passed the time by rocking and singing to Logan, and when given the ok, nursing him. Finally, the doctor came in with some good news. His heart and lungs looked perfectly normal, and his blood sugar level was also perfect. The doctor said that one of two things had happened to my son. One is that he had a seizure. Apparently, there are two types of seizures: the kind where the person shakes, and another type where the person goes limp, the heart rate drops and hence the breathing slows down and in both cases the eyes roll in the back of the head. Logan's eyes never went completely back and up, but they did roll backwards. The other option was something that actually happens to babies somewhat frequently. A baby can get so upset and cry so hard, that he or she forgets to breathe and actually causes himself or herself to pass out and faint. Since Logan's brain cat scan from a few weeks before came back clear, the doctor knew that Logan did not have any missing parts of his brain, and thus he thought that he had simply forgotten to breath. However, only an EKG would positively tell us if he had a seizure or not, but they won't do that unless it happens again, which hopefully, it never will.

The day was such a traumatic nightmare that I felt as if I had been run over by a truck. My parents were in Europe so I wasn't even able to call them. I felt so helpless, and once I knew he was ok, relief flooded all over me. I just kept praying to God that my baby boy would be alright. He is such a sweet and loving baby, and it fills me with such great pain to see him go through something like that. I wish I could take all the pain away from him and experience it myself, if I had to. Logan, for his part, seemed exhausted but happy and all smiles as we left the hospital. The doctor did say that in 70% of seizure cases, if it was indeed a seizure, the baby never again in his whole life experiences another seizure. That was pretty good odds, but not good enough for me. I didn't really sleep at all that night. I just kept watching over him sleeping in his crib, making sure he was breathing ok. I held it together pretty well until my parents came home the next day in the evening, and then I broke down and lost it.

A few weeks later, on Tuesday, June 8th, 2010, I was nursing Logan when his head (just his head and not his entire body), started to tremor for about 6-7 seconds. I immediately called the doctor, who said that it was probably nothing, but in light of his recent episode, to call if it happened again. He also asked me to try to video tape it. Unfortunately, it happened again the next day, but only for about 3-4 seconds, which was too quickly for me to get the video application on my Iphone working. When I called Dr. Verras, he said to bring Logan in for testing that afternoon. It's important to note that Logan's breathing seemed perfectly normal during his head tremors, and he continued nursing both times, and it always happened with his eyes closed as he was drifting off the sleep. Dr. Verras performed all kinds of reflex tests and looked at some other things, and thank God he concluded that Logan was perfectly normal and perfectly healthy. He said that he is almost positive that Logan never had a seizure, and that he had simply caused himself to pass out. He said that babies with a seizure history do not perform nearly as well as Logan performed on all the tests. As far as his head shaking, the doctor said that some babies, although it is rare, do shake their heads or do something similar, like twitch their eyes, for no apparent reason, but that it is nothing to be concerned about. I was also worried about a possible connection between Logan getting dropped on his head and the head tremors, but Dr. Verras seems to think there is no link. He said that the brain cat scan would have detected if there was any damage.

So, after a very frightening few weeks, we truly believe we have a very strong, healthy trooper of a little boy. He is so young to have already been to the emergency room twice, but we consider ourselves so fortunate, especially when we consider all the things that could have gone wrong and all the terrible tragedies that happen to other babies. I truly believe that Logan has a guardian angel watching out for him, perhaps even my Grandmommie.